WASHINGTON – The White House released a statement today expressing its shock and sadness that up-and-coming civil rights leader Frederick Douglass has remained silent regarding the recent tragedy in Bowling Green, Kentucky in which a number of white Christians were slaughtered by refugees from the Middle East.
“Mr. Douglass’ continued silence can mean only one thing;” said the statement, “that he secretly applauds the actions of these bloodthirsty terrorists who have infiltrated our homeland.”
The perpetrators, an elderly Syrian woman and her seven-year-old granddaughter, had apparently hidden themselves within the tens of thousands of refugees currently flooding every city in the country.
“Somehow they just slipped through the cracks,” said a Homeland Security officer who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of being executed by the Administration.
“Our usual method is to just back a ship up to a dock in some port in Yemen and let anyone who wants to jump on board. We make damn sure they aren’t terrorists by making them fill out a three-page questionnaire, and swearing it’s true while putting their hand on a Bible. I can’t imagine how those two managed outwit our vetting process. They must be real masterminds.”
Kellyanne Conway told Chuck Todd on Meet the Press today that given the seriousness of the situation the Administration will have to re-think its relationship with Mr. Douglass and other civil rights leaders.
“If Mr. Douglass and his fellow black leaders aren’t even going to acknowledge the tragic loss of life in Bowling Green, then if you ask me they have no place in American society.”
Conway then went outside the studio, mounted her unicorn, and rode back to the White House.