WASHINGTON – The Washington Post is reporting that after meetings with then Senator Jeff Sessions last summer, Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak showered the Trump surrogate with expensive gifts in an apparent attempt to curry favor with the Trump Campaign and potential 45th President of the United States.
According to the article in the Post, the gifts included but were not limited to an expensive top-of-the-line tricycle, a large jungle gym playset, an extra small Confederate uniform with a miniature battle flag, and a Shetland pony.
The article claims that Sessions did not report the gifts and should never have accepted them in the first place.
“If this is true Attorney General Sessions is in violation of senate rules,” said Johnny Isakson (R-GA), Chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee. “This is very serious.”
When reached for comment about the allegations, Attorney General Sessions denied that he had received any gifts from any Russian official, and had in fact never spoken to the Russian ambassador in his life.
“I wouldn’t recognize the Russian ambassador if I looked up at him from a foot away,” said the diminutive racist from Alabama.
“In fact, I’ve never spoken to anyone from Russia at all. I can’t even tell you where Russia is. I know Sarah Palin knows where it is; why don’t you go ask her about the Russian ambassador.”
Despite his denials, the Post is standing by its story, and released photographs of Sessions riding his new pony on a farm belonging to a Republican state senator from Maryland. There were also photos of the attorney general playing on his jungle gym with friends and riding his tricycle on the sidewalk outside a bar in Georgetown.
At a hurriedly called press conference this morning, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer called for Sessions to resign.
“I don’t care how much fun the Attorney General is having with his new toys,” said a visibly irritated Schumer, “it’s his duty as an American citizen to resign and return those gifts.”
So far there has been no response from the Trump Administration to the disturbing new revelations.
White House Press Secretary Sean Sphincter told reporters that the President was far too busy finalizing plans to nuke Pyongyang to worry about any fucking Shetland ponies.