Costco’s Expression Of Religious Freedom Outrages Conservatives



THE CABIN ANTHRAX (CP&T) – Costco’s recent decision to remove Dinesh D’souza’s polemic fantasy, America: Imagine the World Without Her, from its bookshelves has been met with outrage by right wingers, Tea Partiers, and other historical revisionists across the United States. Many individuals and groups have vowed to boycott Costco as way to express their collective outrage.

At a press conference early this morning, Costco CEO Craig Jelinek explained the reasons for the corporation’s actions: “Costco is merely expressing her SCOTUS-given rights of free speech, religious expression, and unlimited ability to contribute cash to the candidate of her own choice.”

“A central tenet of Costco’s deeply-held religious beliefs is the guarantee that no customer should have to live with the fear of exposure to historical revisionism, extreme tribalism, medieval views regarding immigration, or feverish half-baked conspiracy theories about Benghazi,” said Jelinek.


Tea Party organizations across the country have vowed to boycott Costco in response to her actions regarding D’souza’s comic book

“Costco, is an individual and citizen of the United States, endowed with all the rights guaranteed by the Constitution. She believes in her heart that D’souza’s book is no more than a collection of right-wing talking points vomited up and coagulated on paper that would serve the world better as trees helping to clean our atmosphere. Therefore she felt that Costco customers and employees should not be exposed to the toxic bilge contained within this 3rd grade interpretation of American history.”

When asked if Costco feared the inevitable backlash and boycott from right wingers across the country, Jelinek replied, “Well, let them boycott Costco and let sane individuals boycott Hobby Lobby. Forgive me but I think the sane folks are getting the better deal.”

A reporter from Hollywood Weekly asked Jelinek if Costco would be carrying the DVD of the movie America when it is released. He replied, “That’s up to Costco. She will make that decision closer to the release date. However, I don’t see why any of our customers would want to pay good money for propaganda like that when all they have to do is tune in to Fox News to get the same hateful garbage spewed at them.”

Jelinek added that in order to accommodate former Hobby Lobby customers, he was ordering Costco buyers to stock up on Elmer’s Glue, a wide variety of worthless trinkets and glitter, and sticks harvested from various swamps in Louisiana.