European Space Agency Accelerates Mars Landing Project

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PARIS – European Space Agency CEO Johann-Dietrich Worner told a reporter for Rocket Fuel Today magazine this morning that the organization is teaming with the China National Space Administration in order to move up dates for a manned landing on Mars.

“Recent events in the United States have really put a fire under our ass,” said Worner. “For years we’ve been trying to drag those people across the Atlantic into the modern age, and let me tell you, it’s been an uphill battle. We’re done. It’s time to get the hell out of here.”

Worner said that with the help of the Chinese a manned landing could be achieved as soon as 2022, with colonization beginning shortly thereafter.

In a prepared statement, CNSPA Administrator Xu Dahze told the international press that he looked forward to working with his friends in Europe and had high hopes of getting the majority of his people safely off the planet before “all hell breaks loose.”

“Americans crazy as fuck,” said Dahze. “Time to get our butts off this rock.”

According to the article in RFT, both parties are anxious to get as much done before Inauguration Day because “no one really knows what the hell is going to happen after that.”

 

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