NEW YORK – (CT&P) – A new SurveyLizard/Washington Post poll released today has found that the vast majority of mentally challenged Americans now believe that the presidential election is rigged against Republican candidate Donald Trump.
The poll, taken over a period of three days, found that 99% of idiots, 86% of imbeciles, and 71% of morons are convinced that shadowy forces beyond their control are deciding the election in Hillary Clinton’s favor.
“Some respondents said that it was the media, others said it was the Republican and Democratic establishment, and still others told us that a secretive cabal of international Jewish financiers and Freemasons were to blame,” said Dick Passwater, who managed the poll for SurveyLizard. “The dumbest of the dumb even said that it was a combination of all of the above entities plus some influential space aliens.”
“One interesting result of the poll was that the higher on the IQ scale you went, the less likely the participants were to think that the election results were going to be tampered with,” said Passwater.
Azalia Snail of the Post agreed saying, “The lower the IQ, the more likely these poor bastards were to believe in this ridiculous conspiracy theory. I mean, you have to be pretty childlike to believe that 3144 counties and parishes in the United States could cooperate with the Illuminati or anyone else in order to steal the election from Trump.
“It’s much more likely that the GOP has chosen a toxic orange douche of a candidate whose ideas are so repulsive to most Americans that he’s fucking up his own candidacy and wrecking the entire Republican Party.”