CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA – (CT&P) – While campaigning for Hillary Clinton in Forlorn Hope, West Virginia over the weekend, President Obama pledged that he would do his very best to destroy America at least five more times before he leaves office in January.
‘It has been by privilege as the first black man in the White House to destroy America as many times as I possibly could in the last seven years, and I’m looking forward to finishing with a flourish,” said Obama.
“It’s hard for me to overstate just how much I hate this country and everything it stands for. Freedom, liberty, equal treatment under the law, I just hate that shit, and always have. I’m looking forward to seeking out the last standing buildings and institutions across America and laying waste to them like I have the vast majority of our once great country.”
Republican politicians and pundits have responded with outrage over the President’s comments, calling him a destructive maniac who just wants to destroy everything.
Representative and respected racist Steve King of Iowa told Fox News that if we don’t do something quick, every contribution to western civilization made by white folks will be erased in an orgy of destruction.
“We downtrodden white people have to once and for all stand up and be counted,” said King.
“America has been destroyed so many times by this man that it’s hard to find anything that has escaped being destroyed in all the destruction that surrounds us,” said King, who then stared off into space and started mumbling something about grapefruit.
White House Press Secretary Josh Ernest is expected to detail the President’s plans for the complete annihilation of America and our way of life during a press conference Monday morning.