Republican Party To Unify Behind Exciting New Racist


WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – Paul Ryan and Donald Trump released a joint statement today meant to signal their unity following a two-hour meeting on Capitol Hill.

The statement from the presumptive GOP presidential nominee and House Speaker said the two had a “great conversation” and that they were honest over their “few differences” during two hours of meetings on Thursday.

“We will be having additional discussions, but remain confident there’s a great opportunity to unify our party and win this fall, and we are totally committed to working together to achieve that goal,” the joint statement said.
It fell short of an endorsement of Trump by Ryan, who shocked many Republicans a week ago by saying he was not yet ready to get in line behind the man expected to clinch the GOP nomination in coming weeks.
“I’m not quite willing to endorse yet, but I’m sure we can reach some sort of agreement that will allow me to put my core principles aside and get behind this buffoon that the Republican base has decided will be our standard-bearer,” said a nervous looking Ryan.
“After all, what really matters is power.”
Senator Jeff Sessions of what is left of the State of Alabama agreed, saying “I’m excited to have a new and charismatic racist leading our party. He’s brought in hundreds of thousands of new bigots, misogynists and xenophobic kooks into our party, and with his help we can turn back the clock decades, maybe even a century. Together we can make sure no negro ever holds the office of president again. It’s an exciting time to be alive.”
As of this morning no new Republican leaders have endorsed Trump, but most pundits believe that it’s only a matter of time before most members of the GOP put aside their core beliefs, decency and common sense and rally behind the giant orange colon rodent for president.

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