TALLAHASSEE – (CT&P) – Florida governor and all around despicable human being Rick Scott endorsed Donald Trump for president today. “With his victories yesterday, I believe it is now time for Republicans to accept and respect the will of the voters and coalesce behind Donald Trump,” Mr. Scott said in a post on Facebook.
The governor lamented the fact that he could not address the press directly on this matter, but said he was unable to do so because he was feeling lethargic after suffocating and devouring an infant this weekend during his once per month feeding session.
Scott, known to his intimates as Quetzalcoat, or “feathered serpent,” made clear his rationale: that the party will rip itself to shreds trying to stop someone with a clear path to the nomination.
“Ripping people to shreds is an activity that should be limited to state houses and governor’s mansions, and should only be done under the cover of night,” said the reincarnated Aztec deity.
“If we spend another four months tearing each other apart, we will damage our ability to win in November. It’s time for an end to the Republican on Republican violence and concentrate on tearing out the hearts and livers of minorities, illegal aliens, and their small children,” he wrote.
“It’s time for us to begin coming together, we’ve had a vigorous primary, now let’s get serious about taking over this country and turning it into a hell on earth.”
Scott responded to several comments that were critical of the governor backing a fascist asshole for president.
“Fascists have always gotten a bum rap as far as I’m concerned,” stated Scott.
“There’s a great deal to be said for intimidating a nation’s population through the use of concentration camps, perpetual war, and human sacrifice.
“I think if we all work together we can elect a man who will be universally despised by both the citizens of the United States and all the countries of the world. I can’t wait.”