MIAMI – (CT&P) – After a poor performance in Saturday’s South Carolina Republican primary, Jeb Bush suspended his campaign and told supporters that he would be headed back to Florida to help manage a greyhound track close to his home in Coral Gables.
Jeb, known affectionately as “Fredo” within the Bush crime family, said that he was looking forward to managing the track and making money for his mom Barbara, who recently took over the reins of the criminal empire from her husband George.
“I can handle things… I’m smart! Not like everybody says! Like, dumb! I’m smart… and I want respect!” said Jeb, as he trembled violently in front of a crowd of over 25 supporters. “I never really wanted to run for office. I just want a nice quiet job where I can count money and pet the doggies.”
“We had high hopes for Jeb ever since he was a little kid,” said the new Godmom Barbara, “but he just doesn’t have what it takes to be an international crime boss like his brother.”
Bush is expected to take over as manager of the Furry Friends Greyhound Track in Tamiami in early April after he returns from a brief “toughening up” trip out west under the supervision of Bush capo Richard “The Dick” Cheney.