Families Of Oregon Militiamen Glad They Are Away From Home For A Few Days

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PORTLAND – (CT&P) – The families of the militiamen who have seized control of Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon are telling CNN that they are relieved to have them out of the house for a while.

When interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on his show, The Situation Room, the wives and children of the motley crew of misfits, conspiracy theorists, and Christian terrorists told Blitzer that they were glad that for at least the time being the miscreants were someone else’s problem.

The mentally deficient wingnuts, who have started calling themselves the Citizens for Constitutional Freedom, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean, have told anyone willing to listen that they are “in it for the long haul,” and “came well prepared.”

“I certainly hope the son of a bitch is in it for the long haul,” said Wanda Scrotum, wife of Corporal Rodent Scrotum of the Dysentery Springs Chapter of the Texas Minuteman Militia. “All he does all day is watch Fox News and throw beer cans at the TV when Obama is on. He’s worthless. The only time he ever perks up is when his government check is due in the mail.”

Bertha Bundy, wife of ringleader Ammon Bundy, said, “Ammon has a lot of big guns and a very small penis. Do you know what it’s like to be married to a microdick? I shouldn’t have waited til we got married. It was the worst mistake of my miserable life. I hope he freezes to death in that hell hole.”

The militiamen have made only vague claims about what they are trying to achieve by the occupation, and as of yet the federal government has taken no action to force them out.

FBI Director James Comey told the Washington Post that although he was being encouraged by the families of the men to napalm the building and “do the world a favor,” he didn’t want another Waco on his hands.

“These idiots either grew up under power lines or have a great deal of lead paint in their diet,” said Comey.

“You don’t put a dog down merely because it’s a dumb ass. I think we’ll just cut off the water and electricity to the building and see how long the tough guys want to stay there without any Budweiser.

“I’m sure once they figure out that no one really gives a shit about their insane ideas they’ll surrender peacefully.”

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