Will Muschamp Leaves Auburn To Seek GOP Nomination


AUBURN – (CT&P) – Defensive coordinator Will Muschamp has announced that he will be resigning his post at Auburn in order to seek the GOP nomination for president.


Muschamp proved he was just as crazy as any GOP candidate when he lost his fucking mind in the fourth quarter of last night’s game

The announcement was made this morning at a press conference at what was left of Jordan-Hare Stadium after Alabama running back and Heisman shoe-in Derrick Henry laid waste to it last night.

“I feel the time is right for a run for president,” said Muschamp, as drool flowed out of the corner of his mouth. “The country needs a violent madman to lead it back to greatness, and I’m just the guy who can get it done!”


There was a general feeling of relief among Auburn players after they were told of Muschamp’s decision

Reince Priebus, head of the RNC, applauded the move.

“I think Muschamp will do very well in what is already a crowded field of unstable simpletons with anger issues,” said Priebus. “We welcome any candidate who is willing to go batshit crazy on national television. It really helps us shore up our psychotic base.”


Auburn Head Coach Gus Malzahn spoke to reporters while out shopping for a new “Gus Bus”

Auburn Head Coach Gus Malzahn, who was reached for comment as he searched Montgomery used car dealerships for a new school bus, told ESPN that he really did not care what Muschamp did.

“I really don’t give a damn what the idiot decides to do,” said Malzahn. “I think the last shred of his sanity left the field on Derrick Henry’s cleats.”

Malzahn told reporters that a he would start scouring nearby prisons and mental institutions for a new defensive coordinator on Monday.




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