AMMAN – (CT&P) – Presidential candidate and simpleton Dr. Ben Carson is visiting Jordan today in an attempt boost his foreign policy chops and prove to people he knows where it is, according to a spokesman within the Carson Campaign.
“I find when you have firsthand knowledge of things as opposed to secondhand, thirdhand, or fourteenth hand, it makes a much stronger impression,” Mr. Carson said in an interview before his departure, planned for late Thanksgiving Day on a charter aircraft.
“That’s why I never read any books other than the Bible. You just can’t be sure that anyone who writes something down knows what they are talking about. It’s much better to visit places, force your eyes open with toothpicks, and look around for yourself.”
In a surprise visit, he plans to go to the Azraq refugee camp in northern Jordan, where he will visit a veterinary hospital. He is bringing dog biscuits and chew toys to distribute to the puppies.
Although aides to Dr. Carson said that the visit to Jordan was his idea, rumors persist that he was asked to go by the CIA as part of a plan to confuse our enemies in the Middle East.
“Our intelligence services feel that if Carson roams around the Middle East making incoherent speeches and whispering weird shit about the pyramids, ISIS and other terrorist groups will make the assumption that they have already won and quit trying to kill us,” said Mike Morell, former deputy director of the CIA.
“The idea is, once our enemies see how inept and ignorant our presidential candidates are, they’ll assume we are already on the road to ruin and they’ll redirect their effort to other targets.”
Dr. Carson is expected to wander around aimlessly in the Middle East for a few days before returning to make idiotic statements back here at home.
In a surprise visit, he plans to go to the Azraq refugee camp in northern Jordan, where he will visit a clinic and a hospital. He is bringing soccer balls and Beanie Babies to distribute to children.