WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – Former neurosurgeon, lunatic, and leading GOP presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson lost consciousness and slipped into a coma during an interview yesterday with Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday.
While attempting to answer a grueling series of “gotcha” questions like “Where do you live?” “What form of government do we have in the United States?” and “Why did Satan make fossils?” Carson began blinking furiously, waving his arms, and whispering incoherently about frontal lobes, Arab states, and grain silos. Within moments he appeared to faint and his head lolled to one side of his body.
Aides to Dr. Carson rushed into the studio and he was whisked away to an undisclosed location.
The Carson campaign later issued a press release stating that Dr. Carson was unresponsive but breathing normally in a nearby hotel room.
A spokesman for the campaign emphasized that the incident was nothing to worry about.
“It’s nothing out of the ordinary,” said the spokesman. “It’s occurred several times already this week, and Dr. Carson will be back selling books “before you know it.”
A volunteer for the campaign backed up the spokesman, telling CNN that Carson has been losing consciousness regularly during campaign stops in Iowa, but no one has noticed.
“Most folks have no idea what the fuck Ben is saying most of the time anyway. He appears to be on Thorazine or Xanax all the time, and he rarely makes any sense at all. The only way we can really tell if he’s lost consciousness is if we suddenly stop hearing batshit crazy ideas come out of his mouth,” said the volunteer.
“In the end it makes no difference with his core supporters as long as he continues to love Jesus and hate the poor.”
Dr. Carson is expected to make a complete recovery and continue saying crazy things as he roams the country selling books in the coming weeks.