WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – Dr. Ben Carson picked up an important endorsement yesterday from the International Brotherhood of Village Idiots and Miscreants Union after his prediction that Hillary Clinton would be behind bars for her role in the Benghazi fiasco.
“We thought it was high time we supported one of our own in the 2016 presidential race,” said Dullard Gumby, president of the union. “We share many of Dr. Carson’s values and he exhibits many of the traits that make us idiots unique; he makes weird predictions that never come true, he mumbles incoherently when asked questions about complex problems, and he makes stuff up out of thin air.”
The endorsement is one of several Dr. Carson has picked up in recent weeks.
After Carson proclaimed that “the End Times were nigh,” during a speech at the Value Voters Summit last month, he received the official endorsement of the Insecure Religious Kooks Association.
Only last week Carson picked up the support of the High School Dropouts and River Widener’s Club for his inability to tell the difference between Iran and Iraq.
Perhaps the most perplexing of the endorsements came from the Taliban this summer.
Because of his insistence that America should become some kind of fascist theocracy along the lines of the current government in Iran, and his constant reminders to voters that God supports his candidacy, he became attractive to other groups that claimed divine inspiration.
“It’s not that important to us which religion he’s a member of” said Taliban field commander Mullah Muhammad Hasan Rehmani Skyhook, “just as long as he forces people to follow rules written by Iron Age cretins who didn’t know enough to wash their hands after defecating.”
Although the new endorsements will no doubt help Dr. Carson secure a win in Iowa, where dim-witted Republican voters share his weird outlook on world events, it is unclear whether they will help him win the GOP nomination.
“I have confidence in our voters,” said Reince Priebus, current chairman of the RNC. “There’s no way this dunce gets the nomination. Can you imagine Carson debating Clinton or Sanders? It would be a bloodbath.”