WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – His Holiness Pope Francis met today with the Antichrist, President Obama, at the White House to discuss ways in which the church can delay the inevitable apocalypse brought about by his reign of terror over the American people and citizens of the world.
Before the meeting, His Holiness told reporters outside the White House that he had been monitoring right-wing websites and listening to “kooky radio talk show hosts” talk about the evils of the Obama Administration for years and thought it might be time to intervene.
“After reading about the ravages of Jade Helm 15 on various right-wing websites, which reported that the operation eradicated the Christian population of Texas, I decided it was high time someone tried to reason with that demon masquerading as president,” said the Pontiff.
No one knows what went on during the meeting, as it was conducted behind closed doors and the Pope was alone with the Son of Satan. However, afterwards the Pope had some discouraging words to say to journalists.
“I was unable to convince the Prince of Darkness to delay the End Times,” said Francis. “He insists that he will continue to offer health care to the poor and attempt to destroy the United States through the use of clean air and water acts, and encourage free cancer screenings and the use of low-cost contraceptives among the poor at the expense of wealthy Americans. Worst of all, he says he won’t just start invading Muslim countries out of misplaced fear and hatred. I’m afraid we’re all doomed.”
For his part President Obama told the press that he really enjoyed his time with the Pope but had to say goodbye after lunch because he had plans to destroy the entire fucking country again late this afternoon.