God Punishes Kim Davis For Being A Rebellious Bitch

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ATLANTA – (CT&P) – During an appearance on CNN this afternoon, God told Wolf Blitzer that he had decided to send Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis to jail for a while to “get her mind right.”

Davis, the Kentucky clerk who has defied the Supreme Court and steadfastly refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was led away in handcuffs after a hearing before Judge David L. Bunning of Federal District Court. The contempt finding was another legal defeat for Ms. Davis, who argues that she should not be forced to issue licenses that conflict with her religious beliefs.

“The court cannot condone the willful disobedience of its lawfully issued order,” said Judge Bunning, who was appointed by President George W. Bush. “If you give people the opportunity to choose which orders they follow, that’s what potentially causes problems.”

God told Blitzer that he worked through Judge Bunning to deliver his punishment for Davis, who resembles a long-haired bovine one might see in the Highlands of Scotland.

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God told Blitzer that he plans on working through both guards and inmates in an attempt to get Davis’ “mind right” about obeying authority and gay marriage.

“As you know Wolf, despite being an all-powerful being, I prefer to work in mysterious ways so no one really knows whether I exist or not,” said God.”Most of the time I just choose the appropriate mammal on the scene and have them do my bidding. Today was Judge Bunning’s turn to do my dirty work.”

God explained that despite many opportunities to do the right thing, Davis insisted on acting like a stupid, bigoted, pompous ass bitch who had no respect for the rule of law.

“I clearly stated in Romans 13 that ‘Let every person be subject to the governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.'”

“Now someone like Kim Davis, who claims to have such reverence for my word, should have known better than to defy authority like she did. She can just sit her fat ass in jail til she comes around to my way of thinking. Hopefully while she’s there she’ll get some of that hideous hair cut off her head. I mean Jesus!”

God did not specify how long Davis will be jailed, but he did say that he had plans to work through several female Rowan County inmates to educate Davis on the subject of same-sex relationships.

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