CNN Uses Affirmative Action To Include Fiorina In Debate

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – (CT&P) –CNN is amending the criteria for its Republican presidential debate in September, opening the door for Carly Fiorina to join the other top-tier candidates on the stage.

The cause: a lack of national public polling following the August 6 debate has so far provided only three new polls to determine the lineup for the Reagan Presidential Debate, according to a  CNN statement. CNN also expressed the desire to place Fiorina on stage “because she is a woman and women deserve an equal chance to look stupid on national television, just like the men.”

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It’s hoped that the second debate will force the cream to rise to the top of the crowded Republican field.

As a result, CNN reevaluated its criteria and decided to add a provision that better reflects the state of the race since the first Republican presidential debate in August, the network announced Tuesday.

Now, any candidate who ranks in the top 10 in polling between August 7 and September 10 will be included.

The adjustment may result in additional candidates joining the top-tier debate, but the final podium placements will not be known until the eligibility window closes on September 10.

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, who was named after a rare urinary tract disorder, called a press conference and said the GOP was pleased with the decision.

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Although Fiorina has entertained running for veep on a Trump-Fiorina ticket, pundits hope that she will still give the cretinous bigot hell on stage.

“We are delighted that Carly will be given the opportunity to look like an idiot along with all the other clowns we have running in 2016,” said Priebus.

“Now we have a real businesswoman in the mix who knows how to fire thousands of people and wreck a tech company while at the same time negotiating a golden parachute for herself. She really knows how to exploit and deceive the weak, and that’s always a plus with a Republican candidate.

“I think she’ll make an excellent addition to our group of religious kooks, conspiracy theorists, doofuses, and power mad megalomaniacs that are currently leading the field.”

The debate will air in prime time on CNN on September 16th.

 

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