AUSTIN – (CT&P) – In a move sure to draw fire from the libertarian wing of the Republican Party, a group of Texas state representatives has voted to provide black people with their very own community swimming pools. The group, who call themselves “Compassionate Cretins,” are backed by support from Senator and presidential pretender Ted Cruz and U.S. House Representative and accomplished idiot Louie Gohmert, both from the once sane state of Texas.
The bill, dubbed the “Equal Swimming Rights for Black Folks Bill of 2015,” would provide “separate but equal” swimming pools for Texas’ approximately 3 1/2 million black residents.
“We just want to relieve tensions between the races and provide safe swimming areas for our minorities here in Texas,” said Billy Bob McSnoot from Steaming Turd Springs. “Besides, the Bible says we ought not be mixing different races while submerged in various liquids, and I think everyone can agree the water is a liquid most of the time.”
U.S. House Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX), a strong supporter of the bill, told CNN that the program would be “a real money saver” because there would be fewer calls to 911 by bigoted assholes concerned that black kids were polluting their pristine community swimming pools.
“Everyone knows that most black people are socialist Muslims, just like our president,” said Gohmert, “they spread disease and steal things. It costs us a fortune to send cops out to kill them all the time, so we figured if we isolated them in their own special swimming areas, we could save a ton of money and heartache.”
“Plus, it’ll give our police officers more time to do what they’re really good at: murdering homeowner’s dogs,” concluded Gohmert.
Wacked out religious kook Ted Cruz agreed, saying “I have no doubt that this bill will grow jobs in and around Texas. If we can make this work, I think the novel idea of ‘separate but equal’ swimming pools will sweep across the Bible Belt. I envision a whole series of different swimming areas reserved specifically for the use of liberals, atheists, Muslims, and other unsaved trash around the southeast. We could call it the ‘Casebolt-Slager Swimming Trail.'”
The bill has received enthusiastic grassroots support from the Texas chapter of the Tea Party and several other medieval political associations. The bill is expected to pass easily through the Republican dominated Texas state house and be signed by Texas’ paranoid conspiracy theorist governor Greg Abbott sometime next week.