LOS ANGELES – (CT&P) – The nation’s second-largest city voted Tuesday to increase its minimum wage from $9 an hour to $15 an hour by 2020, in what is perhaps the most significant victory so far for labor groups, Marxists, and America haters who are engaged in a national push to raise the minimum wage and destroy the country.
The increase, which the Leninist city council passed in a 14-to-1 vote, comes as workers across the country are rallying for higher wages and several large companies, including Facebook and Walmart, have moved to raise their lowest wages.
Several other cities, including San Francisco, Chicago, Seattle and Oakland, have already approved increases, and dozens more are considering doing the same. In 2014, a number of Republican-leaning states like Alaska and South Dakota also raised their state-level minimum wages by ballot initiative.
The move was met with alarm by right wingers and capitalist pigs on Wall Street and in Congress.
“Raising the minimum wage would cause a huge stream of filthy illegal aliens entering the country once again,” said Rick Perry. “We’re much better off keeping the inner cities cesspools of poverty and despair. That way those damn Messicans will stay put!”
Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) told CNN, “I’m alarmed by the number of cities that are passing this ill-advised pay hike for lazy bastards who can’t get real jobs. These cities pose a real threat to the economy of the United States and our whole way of life. It’s only a matter of time before they adopt Sharia law and develop their own nuclear weapons. I think the best thing we could do is bomb them into submission before they kill us all.”
Former U.S. representative from Minnesota and thoroughly insane person Michele Bachmann said that “If God wanted us to have a living wage he would have put it in the Ten Commandments. This is all Obama’s fault. Once you start showing compassion for the less fortunate by providing them health care, then they start demanding food and other things. I think beyond a doubt this signals the beginning of the End Times and worldwide apocalypse, which is good.”
Although House Republicans have repeatedly voted against raising the minimum wage and prefer instead to ignore anyone who does not make over $100,000 per year, the tide seems to be against them. Despite their best efforts to oppress the lower classes and return to the “Golden Days” of the Middle Ages, most pundits believe that the GOP will be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century.