Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton Sires Humanoid Life Form


LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS – (CT&P) – Senator Tom Cotton (Idiot-AR) and his wife Rachel were allowed to take their male bipedal hominid home today from Our Lady of the Inbred Hospital and Chain Saw Repair Shop outside Little Rock. Senator Cotton told reporters outside the hospital that the seething mass of protoplasm will be named Gabriel Damien Cotton in honor of both Christopher Walken and Satan, The Prince of Darkness.


An escaped pediatric nurse provided sonograms of what is purported to be the creature during gestation


The spawn had been kept in quarantine since its birth in late April in order to make sure that it posed no risk to the general public. No photos of the offspring have been published by the family, which has done nothing but encourage the disturbing rumors swirling around the creature’s birth.


On May 8th, a pediatric nurse formerly employed at the hospital escaped police custody and told the Arkansas Plain Dealer that several emergency operations were done on the critter immediately after its birth, including one to remove a forked tail and two bony protrusions on its forehead.


Rumors are still swirling about a birthmark found on the spawn before he was sent home from the hospital

The nurse, who wished to remain anonymous, provided several disturbing ultrasound images she said were made during the final stages of the creature’s development within the womb. The sonograms show the image of a dragon or demonic figure resembling the xenomorph made famous in the Alien movie series.


“Of course I was horrified but we were told by authorities that if we said anything we would be ‘disappeared’ along with our entire families,” said the nurse. “I finally just could not take it anymore and had to get out of there. I was later tasered and arrested at my home and taken into custody. I managed to escape last week when most of the cops left to attend the annual dog-shooting festival up in Jonesboro.”


Senator Cotton’s wife Rachel continues to insist that she is a normal human being with real memories and no set expiration date


So far the Cottons have refused to comment on the rumors and have insisted that they gave birth to a healthy human male. As she was leaving the hospital Mrs Cotton told reporters that at least the birth should finally quell an earlier batch of “hateful rumors” that she and her husband were actually biorobotic replicants produced in a secret Tea Party laboratory located in an abandoned missile silo in Montana.

“I am not a robot,” said Mrs Cotton. “I am a human being!”


The Cottons have issued a press release that the offspring will be home-schooled and kept away from the general public until advisers determine the time is right to precipitate the “End Times” and the young Cotton is old enough to take the reins of a new world government.




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