Dumbass Tom Cotton Wins High Praise For CNN Comments


WASHINGTON, D.C. – (CT&P) – Numbnuts, dickheads, and reactionary assholes scrambled to the nearest microphones this morning to praise freshman Senator Tom Cotton’s remarks on Indiana’s “Religious Freedom Restoration Act.” The goofy-looking senator from Arkansas made the remarks to CNN’s Wolf Blitzer during an appearance on The Situation Room.

Cotton, like many other right-wing nutjobs, compared the law to the one signed by President Clinton in his first year in office. Apparently he has not read either law or he is so mentally deficient he is unable to tell the difference between the two.


Cotton is currently enrolled in remedial English and reading comprehension courses so he will be able to read and understand proposed legislation in the future.

Then, in a breathtaking example of blinkered Philistine pig-ignorance, Cotton told Blitzer that gays should be glad they live in the United States instead of elsewhere.

“In Iran they hang you for the crime of being gay,” said Cotton. “They’re currently imprisoning an American preacher for spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ in Iran. We should focus on the most important priorities that our country faces right now. And I would say that a nuclear armed Iran, given the threat it poses … is the most important thing we could be focusing on right now.”

Cotton, you may recall, is the celebrated author of the famous letter to Iran concerning constitutional law in the United States. The letter was criticized by pundits and political leaders of all stripes for undermining the president at a critical time. The fact that the letter was inaccurate and written in crayon did not help matters either.

Cotton, who has a six-year-old’s grasp of the issues, is apparently able to concentrate on only one issue at a time and seems unaware that his home state of Arkansas is desperately trying to avoid becoming the target for boycotts and outrage over its own “Religious Freedom Act.”

Regardless, idiots came out of the woodwork to praise Cotton for his willingness to stand up for bigotry and hate wherever it rears its ugly head.

Duck Dynasty Season 3

Sometime actor and full-time miscreant Phil Robertson took time out from his atheist penis Biblical tutorial tour to praise the backwards-ass senator from Arkansas

John Bowles, 2008 presidential candidate for the American Nazi Party, told reporters that “I’m damn proud of Tom for standing up for the rights of religious fanatics everywhere. It’s high time someone stood up for bigoted assholes!”

Judge Roy Moore, Alabama’s rogue judge and cretinous zealot, said “Tom Cotton is the kind of guy all of us ignorant rednecks can support wholeheartedly! I hope he decides to run for president!”

Actor, lunatic, and Biblical scholar Phil Robertson remarked, “Tom is just the kind of politician this country needs to lead us back to a time when black people were happy in the cotton fields and gays and lesbians were executed in the town square.” Robertson then went on a 20 minute diatribe about atheists and their genitals.

Cotton is sure to be the target of outrage from every intelligent member of the media and the public for his remarks, but this is nothing new for the senator, and it does not seem to faze him in the least. He seems to let it roll off him like mud off a hog’s back.

For our sake we can only hope that Senator Cotton is “overwhelmed by the Spirit,” and decides to follow his true calling by going on tour in the Middle East and Iran preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.


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