Republican Leaders Heartbroken Over Government Shutdown

BoehnerJohnCrying

WASHINGTON, D.C. (CT&P) – Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) broke down in tears today as he recounted to reporters the tragic events leading up to the government shutdown on Tuesday.

“It was just a case of being beaten to the punch,” said a tearful Boehner. “How were we to know that winter storm Octavia would hit D.C. that hard? Now we have to face the fact that the weather, and not the GOP, caused the first government shutdown of 2015. I just don’t know how we’re going to live with the shame.”

The government was closed Monday for the Presidents Day holiday, so the snowstorm gave most federal employees (called “non-essential” in bureaucracy-speak) an extra day at home.

U.S. Senator Cruz reacts as he answers questions during the Reuters Washington Summit in Washington

The shutdown rendered Senator Ted Cruz speechless for the first time in his political career. An aide remarked that he had never sounded so intelligent.

Conditions on the main roads in the Washington metro region ranged from fairly clear to totally snow-covered. Many downtown streets have not yet been touched, USA TODAY Washington Bureau Chief Susan Page reports.

Of course, White House operations pretty much keep rolling no matter what, although the daily press briefing was canceled.

However over on Capitol Hill, Congress was shut down, thus delaying critical meetings of GOP lawmakers set to discuss new methods of obfuscation and gridlock.

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was particularly upset, as his committee had scheduled an important brainstorming session on how best to temporarily defund the Department of Homeland Security in order to derail President Obama’s immigration orders.

“It truly breaks my heart that some stupid snow and ice is gonna get the credit for the first government shutdown of 2015,” said an emotional Cruz. “Everyone knows it’s my job to screw up Washington.”

The day was not a total write-off however.

House Majority Whip Steve Scalise used the spare time to write a new bill repealing Obamacare and in the afternoon visited a tailor’s shop down the street from his house to be measured for a new set of brown shirts.

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