Dickerson Reaffirms Vows To Self


BLUE MOUNTAIN BEACH, CRETONIA (CT&P) – In a romantic Valentine’s Day ceremony Jerry Dickerson let the world know that he continues to be in a deep and loving relationship with himself. The moving ceremony took place at sunset on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico in Blue Mountain Beach.

In attendance were hundreds of Dickerson’s imaginary friends, thousands of phantasmal readers of his blog, and numerous apocryphal admirers from all over the planet. A reception was held at the Tom Thumb Convenience Store #37 at the corner of 331 South and U.S. Highway 98 West.


Officer Larry “Lardass” Langford told reporters that he had never seen anyone who adored himself as much as Dickerson. “You just don’t run across that level of love and devotion every day,” said an emotional Langford.

“It was a truly moving experience, said Walton County Deputy Sheriff Larry “Lardass” Langford, who happened to be driving by.

“I was just making my normal rounds on the beach protecting residents from ISIS frogmen and writing tickets to tourists who seemed to be having too much fun, and I happened upon this sacred and inspirational event.”

“I’ll never forget it,” said Langford. “Dickerson’s level of dedication to himself was heart warming. It brought tears to my eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so deeply devoted to the preservation of his own well-being and happiness. It really caused me to question my level of commitment to my wife Ethyl.”


Dickerson has been in a committed relationship with himself for over 50 years which is good because he has a face only he himself could love.

When interviewed by Channel 7 Action News after the ceremony, Dickerson said, “I just wanted the world to know that I have found my soul mate, and he is me.”

Dickerson agreed with himself saying, “I really admire my life partner’s manly physique, outgoing personality, rapier wit, and above all his towering intellect.”

When interviewed, Dickerson’s mother Charlene told reporters “I just don’t see anyone breaking up this beautiful long term relationship that Jerry has with Jerry.”

“I know in my heart that no one will ever be able to love my son as much as he loves himself,” said the emotional and long-suffering mom.

After the reception Dickerson treated himself to a steak dinner at Angelo’s Steak Pit and then went back to his mom’s condo to unwind and enjoy seven soccer matches in succession.

Dickerson plans on spending some quality time alone with himself along the romantic Emerald Coast before returning to his home outside Murphy, North Carolina where he plans on dedicating the rest of his life to making himself happy.


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