Simpletons Across America Celebrate As House Votes To Repeal Obamacare…For The 67th Fucking Time

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WASHINGTON, D.C. (CT&P) – Republicans in the U.S. House of Representatives continued the time-honored tradition of wasting time and taxpayer’s money by passing legislation to roll back Obamacare on Tuesday.

The vote was entirely symbolic in nature because everyone in the chamber knows full well that the members of the U.S. Senate will not be passing a companion bill and even if that were the case President Obama would veto it.

The vote was Buffoons 239, Reasonable Individuals 186, with no House Democrat supporting the measure and three House GOP freshmen opposing it.

This latest vote marked the 67th time the House has wasted our time and gone out of its way to look like a bunch of idiot children by voting to entirely repeal, defund or change some provisions of President Barack Obama’s signature health care law.

“We know the vote was a ridiculous exercise in stupidity, but we had to give the new members of our mentally deficient caucus the chance to vote against Obamacare,” said House Speaker John Boehner, while on a smoke break in the men’s restroom. “After all, no one wants to go home to his district and face the wrath of ignorant hicks without being able to say he has no compassion for the less fortunate.”

The vote precipitated predictable reactions across the country, with reasonable and compassionate folks rolling their eyes at the antics of a bunch of schoolchildren. The result was quite different however within the army of right-wing supporters made up of simpletons, rednecks, free-market capitalists, fascists, and evangelical right-wing Christians who seem to have no compassion for anyone except themselves.

A compilation of reactions from the right wing and its supporters has graciously been made available to us from CNN.

Here are some examples:

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Billy Bob McSneed, Director of Signage for the Tea Party, said “We gotta show that we ain’t gonna stand for no low-cost health care. My Diddy grew up just fine without it, and my nine kids can too!”

 

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Cardinal Fang of the Catholic League’s Punishment Squad said “Government has no right to step in and try to help the less fortunate. That’s our job. All we ask is that poor people convert to our archaic belief system and abstain from birth control.”

 

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Freshman Senator Thom “Typhoid” Tillis (R-NC) said, “The government already overreaches by making us wash our hands after we defecate. The last thing we need is regulatory agencies telling doctors that they need a diploma in order to practice medicine. Now excuse me while I devour this delicious-looking infant.”

 

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Frieda “Hepatitis C” Johnson told CNN that “I don’t give a shit if he is the presadint! No negra is gonna tell me when I gotta go to the fuckin’ doctor.”

 

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Glenn Beck, a radio talk show host and ex Fox News kook, said “Obamacare is possibly the greatest conspiracy ever perpetrated on the American people. It’s right up there with climate change and the worldwide conspiracy to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids. It poses a threat not only to earth, but to nearby galaxies as well.”

 

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Billy Joe Numbnuts of Toxic Springs, Florida said, “My wife and me ain’t got no need for no government healthcare. We do just fine down at the methadone clinic.”

 

The vote, like all the previous votes to repeal Obamacare, is expected to get the GOP exactly nowhere with the American public. Recent polls conducted by everyone other than Fox News shows that a majority of Americans want to keep the program in place or tweak it slightly in order to improve it. Only about 20% of Americans, representing the most militantly stupid portion of our population, want to repeal the law and go back to the old system. Furthermore, enrollment in the healthcare system continues to rise, and the more people who sign up, the less likely a repeal becomes.

However, polls seem to have no effect on far right politicians, who have to kowtow to a rabid base who yearn for a return to the Middle Ages. In fact, Speaker Boehner has scheduled at least a dozen more votes to repeal Obamacare before the August recess, so GOP members can go back and brag about how they are standing up to the “emperor” in the White House.

“We just can’t afford to be seen as cooperating with anyone who wants to help the poor and less fortunate,” said Boehner, as the orange skinned Speaker chugged a whiskey sour. “All our campaign money would dry up overnight!”

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