Fox News Pundits Outraged Over New Legislation

 

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THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – Fox News anchors and pundits reacted angrily to the recent passage of H.R. 5739, or the “No Social Security for Nazis Act,” which sailed through the House and Senate with unanimous votes last week. The bill was an attempt to close a loophole that has been around for decades which allowed former Nazis to receive Social Security benefits.

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Giant horse’s ass Bill O’Reilly told his viewers that it was unfair that Fox pundits were singled out in the legislation. “Some of our token pseudo liberals on Fox will be needing that money as they grow older,” said O’Reilly.

Bill O’Reilly called the act an “absolute outrage,” and Sean Hannity told his dozens of viewers that the act was “just another example of President Obama taking matters into his own hands and acting like a king” by pushing the “prejudiced and racist” legislation through Congress.

It seems that after World War II the U.S. government offered many ex-Nazis social security benefits as long as they agreed to move and live outside the U.S. on a permanent basis. Many ex-Nazis took the deal and have been living in countries all over the world for years while receiving taxpayer money courtesy of the State Department.

The bill was obviously very popular with legislators as no one wanted to be seen as supporting retired concentration camp guards and members of the Waffen SS.

However, the bill will also have the effect of denying benefits to any current Nazi Party members, which includes up to 90% of Fox News’ on air talent.

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Fading talent Sean Hannity also reacted angrily to the legislation. “This is all part of the Benghazi-Ebola conspiracy meant to bring down our Reich, uh, I mean our country,” said Hannity, as spittle flew from his mouth.

Fox News CEO Roger Ailes told Reuters that the legislation was almost surely unconstitutional.

“We at Fox believe that denying a minority group social security benefits simply because of their beliefs or form of employment is un-American and undermines the foundations of this great country,” said Ailes. “There is nothing we can do about this legislation, but I firmly believe that the broad masses of a population are more amenable to the appeal of rhetoric than to any other force. Therefore in the long run we will prevail and reverse this miscarriage of justice.”

Ailes went on to say that he believed that “through the clever and constant use of propaganda, the American people would be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way around, to consider the most wretched form of life as paradise.”

Ailes also said that he would like to see the United States annex the Sudetenland sometime early next year.

 

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