WASHINGTON, D.C. (CT&P) – Outraged by President Obama’s executive orders on immigration, Republican lawmakers, with the full support of their right-wing Christian base, have proposed a different plan to deal with the almost five million undocumented immigrants currently residing in the United States.
The plan calls for a significant percentage of the “illegals” to be executed immediately as a terrifying example to all those wishing to enter this country in search of a better life. The remainder of the “shiftless job-stealing cretins” would be rounded up and forced back across the border at gunpoint.
Possibly the most ambitious part of the proposal calls for a 20 foot high wall adorned with pikes to be built along our southern border. The severed heads of those trying to cross the border illegally would be placed on the decorative pikes as a reminder to those who would try to enter in the future.
Nan Hypocritus, president and managing director of Christians Against Compassion and Empathy, an anti-immigrant group, told Reuters that her group was incredulous that President Obama would take such drastic unilateral action so close to the holidays.
“Thanksgiving is just next week, and Christmas is just around the corner!” said Hypocritus. “How dare he throw a wrench into the sacred holiday season by showing love and compassion to a group of brown people? We Christians have better things to do than worry about protecting immigrants from being torn away from their families and deported to God knows where! We have shopping to do and we are just getting geared up to act like a persecuted minority over the whole ‘War On Christmas’ fantasy! This is just outrageous!”
Although similar executive actions regarding immigration were taken by Republican presidents in the past, G.O.P. leaders are beside themselves over Obama’s orders and vow to make the new proposal law in the near future.
Speaker of the House John Boehner has lumped the new “Final Solution” Immigration Reform Bill in with an omnibus spending package that also features the repeal of Obamacare, mandatory fracking in national parks, the elimination of the EPA and the Department of Education, and the death penalty for Hillary Clinton for her role in the Benghazi conspiracy.