Hannity Reveals Miserable Childhood Of Abuse And Torture At Hands Of Sadistic Father

Sean-Hannity2

SANTA ROSA BEACH, UPPER CRETONIA (CT&P) – Last Wednesday Fox News host Sean Hannity revealed to a stunned audience that he had a Kafkaesque childhood filled with physical abuse, torture, and intimidation at the hands of a cruel and sadistic father.

hannity_5

Hannity’s guests were taken aback as the unhinged host repeatedly beat his desk while screaming “Take that, you little bastard! Next time you better pick up your dirty socks and put them in the washing machine!”

The subject came up as a result of Hannity’s position regarding NFL running back Adrian Peterson’s recent suspension by the Minnesota Vikings for injuring his child with a tree branch. Hannity made a very animated case for Peterson avoiding jail time, stating “every parent has a right under the U.S. Constitution to beat the shit out of their kids anytime they damn well please!”

Peterson is also suspected of injuring a second child.

Hannity’s outburst came during an “NFL Under Fire” roundtable featuring three panelists: Psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig, Fox News legal analyst Mercedes Colwin and Daily National sports editor Mike Bako.

waterboarding-dummy

Hannity’s dad Ivan often water-boarded Sean and Sybil as punishment for wetting the bed

Hannity, 52, described how his father dished out corporal punishment while he was a youngster on Long Island. He casually unbuckled his belt, folded it in half and wrapped it around his right hand.

“I got it like this,” said Hannity as he hit the leather strap against the news desk. Hannity whacked his belt across the desk three times. Spittle flew from Hannity’s mouth and his eye began twitching as he continued the demonstration.  “And I deserved it. I was a troubled kid.”

WitchesChair

Hannity’s dad perfected his techniques by practicing on prostitutes he lured into the home on weekends

“I got hit with a strap, ‘bam, bam, bam,’ … by my father,” Hannity explained as he opened the next segment. “I would tell you that I deserved it, and I’ve never been to a shrink because of it!”

Hannity went on to explain that his father had a wide variety of punishments he meted out for even the smallest infractions.

“My father punched me right in the face when I talked back to him, and I deserved it,” said Hannity, and when I failed to mow the yard properly Dad would stake me out in the backyard naked and let ants crawl over me in the hot sun, and man did I ever deserve it!”

Hannity’s father, Ivan “The Terrible” Hannity, was a great believer in corporal punishment and had a life-long obsession with techniques and devices perfected by the Marquis de Sade and representatives of the Catholic Church during the Inquisition.

“Dad started out with thumbscrews when my sister and I were infants, and worked his way up to the rack and the Judas chair as we grew older,” said Hannity. “His favorite was the Brazen Bull he had hidden in the barn out behind the house, but he only put us in there when we had done something really horrible, like forgetting to let the dog out to urinate.”

THE-CRAZIES-550x366_thumb[2]

Hannity’s sister Sybil currently lives in the Trenton Home For The Criminally Insane in Trenton, New Jersey. Sean visits her every Sunday so that they can pray together and ask God for forgiveness for being such horrible children

“I can tell you unequivocally that my sister and I richly deserved all the physical and psychological scars that we now carry as adults, and you better believe that our own kids are treated just like we were. I want my kids to grow up as well-adjusted and sexually secure adults just like me and Sybil.”

Hannity’s sister Sybil currently resides in the Trenton Home For The Criminally Insane in New Jersey.

In an interview with Psychology Today the day after the show, Dr. Ludwig said that Hannity’s hideous childhood probably accounts for his extreme insecurity and inability to listen to opposing points of view.

“Hannity exhibits all the hallmarks of an abused child and ‘battered person syndrome,'” said Ludwig. “He believes that he is infallible no matter how ridiculous his positions are, and is just psychologically unable to experience feelings that normal people take for granted, such as empathy and compassion. Boy, has he found a home with Fox News. I’d say it’s the only reason he has not ended up in prison or in an institution like his poor sister Sybil.”

Meanwhile, the branch-wielding Peterson remains suspended until his case is heard in court and is not expected to be a part of the Minnesota Viking’s future. He is reportedly interviewing for a position as a child-rearing expert guest for Fox.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s