ISIS Kicks Off Innovative Socialized Medicine Campaign With Appointment Of Death Panels


THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – An ISIS spokesman told reporters Monday that ISIS Health and Human Services Secretary Abdul “Madman” Fuqwhaddi, known to the ISIS rank and file as the “Dumb Sheik,” has announced the formation of “Death Panels”  to decide who will live and who will perish in newly conquered towns and territories.


Secretary Fuqwhaddi assured ISIS execution squads that the carpal tunnel syndrome currently afflicting so many trigger fingers will be covered under the new health care law

“It’s more a matter of allocation of resources rather than anything else,” said the spokesman. “Secretary Fuqwhaddi wants to make sure that all demographic groups get equal treatment under the new health care law.”

“Christian infidels, Jewish pig-dogs, subhuman Yazidis, and our misguided Shiite cousins should all be able to get the health care they need in the form of fast and efficient torture and execution.”

Although the ISIS troops are armed to the teeth courtesy of abandoned high-tech U.S. weaponry, it seems that there is just not enough time in the day to murder everyone who  needs to be murdered.


Sarah Palin told Fox News dullard Sean Hannity that she predicted this tragedy would occur if Obamacare was passed. “If everyone would just take my advice once in a while, the world would be a much better place,” said Palin.

“We’re doing our best,” said the ISIS spokesman, “but genocide on this scale is damn hard work. If we are going to successfully take this region of the world back into the Stone Age, we really need to concentrate on eliminating all other forms of religion and silence dissent of any type.”

“We are confident that because God is on our side we can get the job done. It’s just going to take dedication and sacrifice on the part of our cowardly and psychotic executioners. They will really deserve a vacation in Fallujah when all this is done. We’ve rounded up a herd of virgins for that very purpose. Nothing motivates a group of crazed Muslim murderers like the promise of virgins after a hard day of butchery, as I am sure you are all aware.”

The American intellectual and perpetual self-promoter Sarah Palin, who first warned of these so-called “Death Panels,” told Fox News today that “I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. I warned everyone that if we passed Obamacare, it would only be a matter of time before a group of administrators would be deciding who lives and who dies, and lo and behold I was right!”


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