THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – In what pundits are calling a conspiracy that will make Benghazi look like child’s play, President Obama, with the clandestine cooperation of every major news source in America, has successfully drawn attention away from the crisis on our southern border that threatens the very fabric of our republic.
Thanks to a group of highly respected statesmen and political hacks, the nation’s attention in recent weeks has been focused on the wave of hideous monsters trying to invade our pristine country and make it their own. Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX), Texas Governor Rick Perry, paragon of reason Sarah Palin and others have illuminated the threat posed by the vile, contaminated children who are on a mission to weaken our health care system by overwhelming it with such horrors as ebola, tuberculosis, bubonic plague, Dengue fever, and the dreaded toenail fungus. What is worse, they’re doing it on orders from the tyrant in chief, Barack Obama.
But all that changed with the crash of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH-17 over eastern Ukraine.
The fiery crash has been covered 24/7 by every cable news outlet at the expense of the story that really matters, the invasion of the United States by hordes of evil kids who just don’t look like us real Americans.
Even Fox News interrupted coverage of the endless columns of walking disease vectors posing as children that are forcing their way into our country.
It was left to that ever vigilant group of intellectuals, the right-wing radio hosts, to dig deep and uncover the plot hatched by our tyrannical leader and his pals in the media.
Not surprisingly Rush Limbaugh, the corpulent leader of a small but vocal army of reactionary xenophobes, led the charge to reveal the truth. As soon as news of the tragedy broke, Rush was on it like white gravy on an entire tray of fresh-baked biscuits.
The radio show host called the disaster “an opportunity” for media outlets to distract viewers from the controversy surrounding President Obama and US border security. He suspected that CNN had already swept the immigration crisis under the rug and retreated back to “wall to wall” coverage of the plane.
Limbaugh called the whole thing “very eery.”
Other conservative hosts joined the effort to uncover just what role the Obama Administration had in the downing of the plane. At this time the consensus is that the puppet master Obama probably had one of his aides pose as Russian separatist rebel with a PhD in missile technology from the University of Moscow in order to infiltrate the launch team and target the jet.
However, there is a small but significant group of hosts and websites that think Obama’s overall incompetence caused the crash. They argue that if Obama had declared war on Russia a few weeks ago, like any reasonable president would have done, this tragic loss of life could have been avoided.
Regardless of who is correct, one thing is for sure, the border crisis is now taking a backseat, and coverage of the crash has given the socialist fag-loving autocrat an excuse to push his agenda of converting all our kids into flaming homosexuals.
After the President bemoaned the loss of over 100 scientists and researchers who were on the flight in route to an AIDS conference in Australia, guardian of Christ’s love Bryan Fischer pointed out the dictator’s heresy.
Fischer Tweeted that Obama was callously pushing his “radical homosexual agenda” by even mentioning the lost researchers. “It would make a lot more sense just to convince all men not to have sex with men,” said Fischer, whose widely publicized sexual confusion has made the news in the past.
No one knows when coverage of the tragedy will subside so we can get back to coverage of what counts, however, there is hope. Fox News plans on returning to normal programming later tonight when it airs episode 17 of its 52 part series Benghazi: How Hillary Clinton Murdered A U.S. Ambassador.