Islamic Terrorists Celebrate Nigerian World Cup Success By Detonating Second Bomb

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THE CABIN ANTHRAX (CT&P) – Violence rocked the Nigerian capital of Abuja on Wednesday when a bomb exploded at a shopping mall in the upscale Wuse district, killing at least 21 people and sending a pall of black smoke into the sky.

Police said at least 17 people were injured in the blast at the Emab Plaza mall.

The explosive device was placed amid a group of vehicles near the entrance to the center, according to witnesses cited in local media accounts. Among the dead were street vendors who were selling food and other goods nearby.

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Boko Haram’s unstable and downright weird leader Abubakar Shekau took time out of his busy beheading schedule to tell reporters that “like religious fanatics all over the world, what we do makes no sense whatsoever.”

Last week, at least 14 people were killed in an attack on a World Cup soccer viewing venue in Damaturu, capital of the northern state of Yobe. In May, about 130 people were killed in twin explosions at a market in Jos, in central Nigeria.

At a press conference from his luxury condominium on the beach at Lake Chad, Boko Haram’s unbalanced leader Abubakar Shekau told a gathering of nervous, sweaty journalists that the most recent bombing was one in a series of vile and inhuman actions scheduled in celebration of Nigeria’s success in the World Cup.

“Look guys, we are nothing but ignorant, savage religious fanatics,” said Shekau, “we really don’t know any better way of cheering on our team other than with the wanton murder of innocent civilians.”

When a reporter asked Shekau why Boko Haram could not celebrate with the traditional firing of AK-47’s into the air as normal terrorists around do around the world, Shekau replied, “firing into the air wastes ammo and is so blasé. Let those dudes in the Middle East do that shit. We are the cutting edge members of the ‘religion of peace’ and we want everyone to know it.”

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It’s well-known around Nigeria that the only human being that can keep Shekau under control is one of his nine common-law wives, Gertrude.

Shekau went on to explain that if Nigeria made it into the semi-finals the terrorist group planned on releasing a nerve agent in the capital Abuja followed up by a mass mailing of anthrax powder to every student currently enrolled in Nigeria’s western universities.

“We are really excited about our team’s chances,” said Shekau, “and if we make it into the final we plan on vaporizing a major city with an old Russian suitcase bomb!”

Shekau then apologized to the group for cutting the press conference short because a new shipment of kidnapped women and children had just arrived and he was required for the “new slave orientation” session.

He ended the press conference by thanking the gathering of reporters for their attendance and encouraging them to follow all the central tenets of Islam while reminding them that disobedience would mean slow dismemberment live on the internet.

 

 

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