Florida Cretin Kidnaps Daughter To Save Her From Horrors Of Modern Science And Education

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SUNRISE, FLORIDA (CT&P) – A nationwide cretinhunt is now underway for a Megan Everett, a Florida mother who kidnapped her daughter in order to prevent her from being vaccinated and learning about black history. The woman and her daughter, Lilly Everett, have been AWOL since May 6th, and are thought to be in hiding with like-minded creatures somewhere in the U.S.

On May 19, Broward Circuit Judge Michele Towbin Singer issued a warrant for Everett’s arrest on charges of custodial kidnapping, interference with court-ordered custody, and concealing a minor contrary to a court order. Federal authorities became involved when it became evident that Everett had crossed state lines in order to avoid prosecution on the state charges.

Robert Baumann, the girl’s father, told the The Orlando Sentinel that he had planned to have his daughter Lilly vaccinated so she could enroll in preschool, but that Everett objected to that plan.

“She found this new idea that vaccines are horrible,” Baumann said. “I think she wanted to keep her from being vaccinated because that would keep her out of day care.”

“One of the issues we had was, she wanted to home-school my daughter,” he added. “I didn’t want that to happen. She didn’t want Lilly to learn about black history. She just wanted her to learn about the Confederacy.”

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This snapshot taken of Ms Everett visiting her orthodontist just before the kidnapping has been distributed to law enforcement agencies across the United States.

Court documents suggest that the reason Everett didn’t want her daughter studying black history is that she had become involved with a man named Carlos Lesters, who is described as “a Confederate-flag-waving gun enthusiast” with family in Georgia and Kentucky. When authorities contacted Lesters, he informed them that she was gone “and not coming back.”

Federal authorities have concentrated their search for the two in areas that have completely rejected science and reason in favor faith and superstition, such as the U.S. House of Representatives, Virginia’s 7th District, and various Tea Party strongholds across America.

The NSA is keeping close watch on kooky anti-vaccine websites for any mention of the cretin and her three-year-old daughter. FBI agents have been dispatched to the headquarters of several large anti-vaccination organizations to interview key personnel, but so far the agency has been frustrated by the total lack of logic and intelligence they have faced.

“Have you ever tried to have an intelligent conversation with any of these kooks?” said Agent Bill Nye during a recent interview with CNN. “The internet has been a great invention for the most part, but my God, sometimes I think you ought to possess at least a minimum IQ to be allowed to use it. All of these dullards get on the web and they become convinced that President Bush orchestrated 9/11, we really didn’t go to the moon, and Hillary Clinton stormed our compound in Benghazi. It’s ridiculous.”

“What is really confusing about this case is, if the woman wanted her child to grow up to be a dim wit with no access to health care, then why the hell did she leave Florida in the first place? It’s downright puzzling.”

So far no leads have surfaced in the case but authorities are confident that the two will eventually be found. Agent Nye told CNN that “the mother can hide for a while, but in the end we’ll find her. This level of stupidity can’t go unnoticed forever.”

 

 

 

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