President Obama Offers Full-Time Positions To FIFA Referees

Obama speaks about the sequester in Washington

THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) -During a press conference at the White House today, President Obama offered full-time jobs with the TSA to all the FIFA officiating crews currently working the World Cup in Brazil.

Citing a “level of incompetence not often seen outside Washington D.C.,” the President told reporters that “rarely have a group of individuals shown such a consistent lack of ability to do anything right despite years of training and experience, and that’s a valued trait among government employees.”

“No way these guys belong on a soccer pitch,” said the President. “Their rightful place is in government, with others of their own kind. Personally I can’t think of a more perfect fit than within the Transportation Security Administration.”

Although the World Cup has just begun, the ineptitude and lack of proficiency of the FIFA referees has been on display for the entire world to see. Few doubt that most of the officiating teams will be in dire need of employment by the time the tournament ends just over a month from now.

However, there is no guarantee that the refs will accept President Obama’s job offer. The State of Florida has also bid on the services of the bumbling and confused officials.

“Florida is always in need of dim-witted and spiteful state employees,” said Governor Rick Scott. “I think we can find room for them within our bloated and inefficient department of corrections, for example. I think that crew that made of shambles of the Mexico-Cameroon match would make great probation officers.”

Several other states have made bids on the services of the referees, so they will no doubt be able to pick and choose where they end up. It looks like they could be wreaking havoc anywhere within the continental United States after the World Cup is over.


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