Satan Said To Be “Absolutely Delighted” By Academy Award Winners


Lucifer only had time for a photo-op and a brief statement thanking the Academy for the Oscars and congratulating his minions at Disney for all their hard work.


The Prince of Darkness was in a rush to get back to work because of his hectic schedule. He did however spend an inordinate amount of time in the men’s room.

RIVER STYX-Mephistopheles made a rare appearance at the Academy Awards Show on March 2nd in order to thank the Academy and to show his appreciation for all the hard work put in by his lackeys at Disney. Frozen, Disney’s latest propaganda tool, took home the coveted Best Animated Film Designed to Make Children Choose a Degenerate Homosexual Lifestyle Oscar as well as the Oscar for Best Achievement in Music Written for a Motion Picture Promoting Bestiality and Debased Sexual Practices.

Lord Balthazar, Satanic Press Secretary and aide to the Prince of Darkness told reporters, “His Majesty does not usually make public his connections with various studios and production companies. However, this time he decided to make an exception because he was so pleased with the outcome of the Oscar balloting. His friends in Hollywood really came through for us this time.”


Pastor Kevin Swanson in the midst of a cerebrovascular accident, commonly known as a stroke. He often has minor strokes during his sermons, which explains the extensive brain damage he has to overcome on a daily basis.

“Besides”, Balthazar continued, “that brain-damaged lunatic Swanson had already gone public with our involvement. We really prefer to work our magic in more mysterious ways and keep in the background, but recent revelations made by that imbecile exposed our working relationship with the good people at Disney. Swanson really is an insightful genius on par with Einstein or Bill Buckley. He seems to be able to see through our schemes like it was child’s play,” said Balthazar, rolling his eyes.

Pastor Swanson made the world aware of Beelzebub’s vile and heinous infiltration of Disney on his international blockbuster right-wing Christian talk show. It is carried on more than three radio stations worldwide, so literally hundreds of people are now aware of Mephistopheles’ pernicious cooperation with the perverts who directed and produced Frozen.


Pastor Swanson as he appears to anyone who made it past sixth grade.

Pastor Swanson stated, “Friends, this is evil, just evil. I wonder if people are thinking ‘You know I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way’. The dullard Swanson went on to postulate that the Devil made his first inroads at Disney in the eighties when perverted homosexual swine first started to come out of the closet. “Homosexuals make a choice to live a sinful and degrading life. They are all doomed to eternal hellfire and they should be kept away from kids at all costs. Why, I can remember when I was five years old and rationally weighed the consequences of choosing a gay lifestyle. I shudder to think what my decision could have been had films like Frozen been around way back then.”


Lucifer has always adored little kids. In fact he claims that the “suffer the little children” line in the New Testament was originally his. This is a scale model of his new child-friendly monument to be placed on the capitol grounds in Oklahoma City.

Lord Balthazar told reporters that now that the Satanic cat is out of the bag, his boss Diabolus, Lord of Darkness and King of Hell, will take a much more active and public part in Disney’s productions. “I think he feels he has received so much bad press over the years that it’s time to ‘come out of the closet,’ so to speak. He has written a script for an animated film about a cute family of jackals that kidnaps and devours an infant in some sort of ceremony designed to delay the Second Coming. It’s loosely based on the story of Lindy Chamberlain, whose child had an unfortunate encounter with a dingo while camping in Australia. It’s an absolutely hilarious script, and we hope it will encourage kids to have sex with jackals and other canids. Lord Apollyon really is a sweet and talented guy who loves kids and only wants the best for them, and I feel he has been misunderstood for aeons. With his intelligence and cutting wit, I think the future for Disney looks bright indeed.”

2 thoughts on “Satan Said To Be “Absolutely Delighted” By Academy Award Winners

    • My personal favorite and the only rational thought provided by the author… ” Why, I can remember when I was five years old and rationally weighed the consequences of choosing a gay lifestyle. I shudder to think what my decision could have been had films like Frozen been around way back then.”

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