MARTIN COUNTY, CRETONIA-Sheriff’s deputies responded to a call from a distressed 53 year male Friday night who claimed his wife had been abducted by shadowy figures who “used signals to project holograms on the walls to get him to do what they wanted and to communicate with each other.”
The agitated man, who was wielding a Louisville slugger, told cops that the intruders had forced his wife to leave their trailer and walk “like a zombie” to his auntie’s trailer located on the other side of the Kooky Moon RV Park where all these characters dwell. Both the husband and wife said that the “intruders used holograms to trick them into thinking they were in the house and then chased them to the aunt’s trailer several lots down.”
The aunt told deputies that the woman in question was “seeing people and animals at her trailer that were not there.” After a thorough investigation law enforcement authorities were unable to confirm the story, as all three individuals appeared to be under the influence of alcohol or “some other substance.”
The manager of the trailer park told deputies that she intended to evict the couple “very soon.” She said, “I thought everything had died down a bit since the last incident. A few weeks ago I found the dude patrolling the park with a handgun and his wife sitting in the street claiming she was digging for gold because they had misjudged their daily dose of methamphetamine. I would have already gotten rid of them but I feel sorry for the gal. She looks like someone beat unholy hell out of her with the ugly stick.”
The Martin County Sheriff’s Department refused to release the couple’s names but our sources in the area report that they are well-known by the employees of the nearby Seminole Nation casino and alligator farm resort complex as “Dances with Holograms” and “Strange Woman Who Digs in Street.”
“Dances with Holograms” told deputies that things had been looking up lately because he had partnered with George Zimmerman in a new business which offers drones armed with AGM-114 Hellfire missiles for neighborhood watch and defense. The motto of the new company is “Launch First and Ask Questions Later.” The two are actively seeking venture capital for the project.
As of this printing the couple have not been charged by law enforcement because all of the activity observed at the park is par for the course in most areas of Florida.