Rand Paul Assaults National Intelligence Director James Clapper


Tea Party favorite Senator Rand Paul (R-Ky) appeared on CNN’s “The Infatuation Room” with Wolf Blitzer last night where he accused Director of National Intelligence James Clapper of lying to Congress and the American people.

Senator Paul, a confirmed plagiarist, told Blitzer that Clapper should resign for “lying” to a Senate committee in March. “He (Clapper) said that the NSA was not collecting any data on U.S. citizens.”

Paul continued, “When you’re doing this and when you have the ability to destroy people’s lives – you have the ability to actually kill people overseas – I would think that you really have to have the utmost trust. And I think he’s lost our trust by lying to us.”

Paul, who has been called “foul tempered” by some, became more and more agitated as the interview continued. “Look Wolf, lying to the American people, destroying people’s lives, killing innocent civilians overseas, hell, that’s Congress’s job, and I’m not letting some two-bit pompous ass bureaucrat move in on our turf! The American people simply won’t stand for it!”

Paul, who appeared to be hyperventilating, then excused himself from the interview. Upon returning to the “Green Room” to retrieve his belongings, he apparently found Clapper and an aide rifling his briefcase and planting a bug in his overcoat.

According to witnesses, Paul went berserk and repeatedly pistol-whipped  Clapper  about the head and neck with a pearl-handled revolver, a gift from the Lexington Chapter of the Sons of the Confederacy.

Clapper was taken to Bethesda Naval Hospital where he is recovering from his injuries. Although obviously unable to comment personally, Clapper’s office released the following statement:

“We sincerely regret the unfortunate incident at CNN’s Washington Bureau last night. Director Clapper bears no ill will toward Senator Paul, or any other politician, for that matter. Our job as policeman of the world is to protect and serve the American people, as long as they behave in a manner that we see fit. We hope that this regrettable event does not in any way impede the implementation of our new multiple-agency security program set to launch next spring.”

The program referred to in the statement is code-named “STASI”, and is a joint effort of the NSA, CIA, and FBI. It features, among other things, fully armed Predator drones patrolling the airspace over all 50 states. The “General Lee,” the first fully armed domestic drone, is set to start flight tests along the Texas-Mexico border in January. It will be equipped with NSA listening devices, long-range cameras with infrared capability, and of course two AGM-114 Hellfire air-to-ground missiles.

Director Clapper has sincerely promised both Congress and the American people that the Predators would never in any circumstance be used on “law-abiding American citizens.”

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