Florida Bill Makes Poverty A Felony

florida

As the 2014 gubernatorial race starts to heat up, a bill is working its way through the Florida legislature that would make it a felony offense to earn less than $25,000.00 per year. The bill will also place those with minority racial status on probation.

In 2011, Florida effectively disenfranchised 1.5 million citizens with a  new restrictive voting law. The law prohibits anyone ever convicted of a felony from voting in local, state or federal elections. Commenting on the situation, Governor Rick Scott stated “We really got on the right track in 2011, and this new bill should put us over the top.” When asked what he meant, Scott replied “Well, we certainly don’t want to risk uncertainty in the election process by allowing criminals to vote, and since most crime is committed by the poor and minorities, this new law just takes the next logical step. The bill will prevent undesirables from participating in the election process.”

One of the chief sponsors of the bill, Representative Billy Bob McSneed, a Republican from Panama City, stated “All these minorities, many of them illegal, are taking our jobs and threatening our way of life down here. By placing them on probation, we can better control ’em and stop all the election fraud. Hell, it’s bad enough that we let ’em drive.”

Election fraud in Florida has reached enormous proportions in Florida over the last decade, according to the Florida Republican Central Committee. McSneed supplied us with documents proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that there have been at least three dozen cases of individuals voting illegally in Florida over the last ten years.

“We live in state where 36 votes could tip the balance, McSneed said. The only logical thing to do is attack the root of the disease, not the symptoms, and the root of the disease is poor people, minorities, and poor minorities.”

When asked how many citizens of the state that this bill would disenfranchise, Governor Scott replied, “We have no idea, but the vast majority of them will be Democrats, and that’s all that matters.”

Challenges to the new bill’s constitutionality will no doubt be numerous. However, given the current glut of challenges in Florida’s courts challenging other demented laws passed by the legislature, any decision will be slow in coming and probably will occur post-election.

Reached for comment was Representative Barbara Hernandez, Democrat from Miami. She stated, “I am currently trying to decide whether to hang myself or move to a more open society. Maybe Cuba or North Korea.”

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